Drugs rap finished. Let me know if its bad enough.

http://wretchedcycloneofbones.blogspot.com/
I may have to lose the last verse, as the emollient and co-codamol aren't technically to combat my heart failure, but its knock-on effects.

I do drugs! (Drug rap)


I'm on drugs, I'm on drug drugs
I'm on drugs, I'm on good drugs
Drug dr dr drug dr drug dr dr dr drugs
Dr Drugs dr dr drugsdru dru drugs dr drugs druuuuugs

There's Eplerenone to block aldosterone
a normally useful steroid hormone
But it increases kidney reabsorption of water and sodium
and their secretion of potassium
Thus increasing your blood volume and pressure
and meaning heart failure can once again getcha
But Eplerenone stops this, lessening blood volume sufficiently
That the heart pumps less blood but it pumps it more efficiently

I'm on drugs, I'm on good drugs
I'm on drugs, I'm on blood drugs

Next, a beta blocker called Bisoprolol
lessens effects of adrenalin & other stress hormones
and thus calms my atrial fibrillation,
social anxiety, and water reabsorption
(Ie it also does the same things as Eplerenone did)
But also knocks nocturnal release of melatonin
So though it's calming, if you take too much in error – / you'd better warn your carer
it can cause cold extremities, fatigue, and NIGHT TERROR!

I'm on drugs! I'm on good drugs!
I'm on drugs! I'm on BLOODY SCARY drugs!


Now Warfarin's usually for poisoning rats
but in my blood it's an anti-coagulant
to stop clots causing strokes or heart attacks
Each day I take enough to kill a elephant.
And I can't take St John's Wort or ingest any cranberries
or drink much and I gotta watch out for red or for black faeces
I get the runs and bloodshot eyes and I'm prone to bleed quite badly
so for the next half hour please don't anybody stab me.

A foxglove-derived glycoside toxin?
that must mean I'm on Digoxin,
Digitalis of old, which primes the heart with calcium,
increasing contractility in the myocardium.
It too slows the heart, improving hemodynamics
and also makes it physically impossible to panic.
Though it might've caused Van Gogh's Yellow Period blurred vision
and may increase the chance of death (but luckily just in women)

I'm on drugs, I'm on drug drugs
I'm on drugs, I'm on sexist drugs
Drug dr dr drug dr drug dr dr dr drugs
Dr Drugs dr dr drugs GAUGIN I MISS YOU drugs druuuuugs


Without Furosemide life would be gruesome
hacking up litres of bubbly thick sputum
Caused by water in the blood not being pumped
out the heart, and instead being forced into the lungs
So without this lung-clearing diuretic
Life would be breathless and pathetic
There's only one problem that can spoil it -
All day I have to stay quite near a toilet.

Ramipril, goddamn I'm ill, is an angiotensin-converting enzyme inhibitor,
and if you want a description of what that is I'll give it t'yer,
by metabolising to Ramiprilat in the liver
it slows the production of angiotensin,
thus relaxing arteries so they're wide as a river
and carry more blood easily. But it's a dandy old wellspring
of side effects: you'll know you're on no placebo
if you get a dry mouth, dry cough or dried-up libido.

I'm on drugs! I'm on good drugs!
I'm on drugs! If I think I'll get away with rhymes like that!


I need skin creams too, not Vaseline from petroleum
but Poundland's own-brand aqueous emollient
I use it as a lube, but don't take the piss
as it's not for my ass but for my ankular psoriasis
And Co-codamol, that's paracetamol and codeine
which metabolizes in the old liver to morphine.
Though I don't take it cos it's an opiate
but for its side-effect: it firms up my shits.

I'm on drugs! I'm on good drugs!
I'm on drugs! I'm on bum drugs!


That's a wrap of my accurate rap description
of the seven drugs in my prescription
And if it sounded like it was all in Egyptian
Just email me later for a typed transcription.

Cos... I'm on drugs! I'm on good drugs!
I'm on drugs! Good blood drugs!
I'm on drugga drug bum blood druggy drug drugs
drugga drugga drug good blood bloody good ddddddddrrrrrrrrrruuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuggggggggggsssssssss!!!!!!!!!


The bad thing is I'll be on all these drugs for the rest of my life, the good news is that if I memorise that rap, whenever anyone at the hospital asks me what drugs I'm on, I could just burst out with that rap, as if life is a vibrant hip-hop musical. Or more likely a Dennis Potter.